worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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