I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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