Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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