I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
