So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
