Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
soo... how was my night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
