Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
