I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
