the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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