This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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