You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize