He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
