there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
