I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
