I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
