Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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