She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
