just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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