By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
