you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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