You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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