How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Pooping to opera.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
