am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
