If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
