i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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