Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
