barbara walters just said penis...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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