I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
