sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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