Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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