I will die if light touches me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
