Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
