The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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