My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
