isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
