You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
