The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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