I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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