i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
