ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
