nut hugger
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i believe in u and ur pee
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
