haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
