Someone shit on the floor
now i know why i became what i already was.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
