Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
