you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
