i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
