3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
