well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
