my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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