You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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