The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize