I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
