Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
