please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
