I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize