what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
