i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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