Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
