her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
