the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
