My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
