She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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