i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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