Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
