DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
