Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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