Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
